what would happen if you did feel angry with your husband?
what would happen if you felt angry at your mother or your father?

i guess what i'm getting at...

is that it might be the case that...

one represses feelings of anger (one doesn't consciously experience anger) because experience of anger might have made things worse in the past. and / or because other peoples angry actions and / or response to your angry actions was negative so one represses the feeling.

i guess it is meant to be good to feel anger because anger can be used for assertiveness. assertiveness can be used to prevent further harms / hurts. etc etc etc.

dunno why t was so resistent to that take... i think he gets annoyed with me for rationalising. but what motivation do i have to feel anger if i don't have a theory of what benefit there is to feeling it? maybe it is about trust... trust that i can acknowledge feelings and he will respond okay to that. trouble is i can't feel the feelings in the first place. don't know how i feel. negative emotion. pain. ow. he is keen for me to label it anger but to me it feels more like... pain. ow. just want to not exist anymore. just want it to stop. doesn't feel like anger unless it is anger at me. not usually anger at me though... more pain. i don't know.

weird... he said something at one point about how i do something or other quite a lot. i was like 'this is why i do that' and he was like 'i'm not attacking you' and i was like 'i know you aren't attacking me i'm just trying to explain why it is that i do that'. is explaining a defence? i think he wants me to shut up. feel things. talk less. explain less. understand less. feel more. panic. understanding and empathy are good. right?

behind that there is just the little kid... the absence of empathy for others. the focus on her feelings and hurts and tantrums and rages. is the notion that the way to conquer that is to feel the feelings and process things by way of the feelings rather than trying to conquer that by empathising with others and incorporating other relevant information like what other peoples take is and facts about the way the world works and so on and so forth?

i don't like that :-( i don't want to do things that way :-(