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alexandra_k said:
what would happen if you did feel angry with your husband?
what would happen if you felt angry at your mother or your father?

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Well, I don't know about the mother/father question as I'm not dealing with parental stuff right now. But I actually did get angry with my husband once, about a month ago, so I found out what would happen. He and I were doing couples therapy with my T, and my husband said something that just really made me angry. It was such a shock. It's almost like it was so shocking/surprising, that I just "felt" (no time for defenses to not let me feel). And I expressed it. I think it is the first and only time I have been angry at my husband (and it was not about the infidelity, which I have always seen as merely symptomatic of far greater problems). It was the only time my T has seen me angry. I remember when this happened in session, T just looked at me and said, "You're angry. I've never seen you angry before." And I felt like saying to him, "no, s**t, Sherlock, I hope you're enjoying the show." But I didn't as my anger was really at my husband so I stuck with that. Later T and I talked about it in individual session, and I told him this was the only time I had been angry at my husband and the only time in 20 years of marriage we had ever had a fight. I think T felt kind of good that he had provided that safe space for our fight to happen and for me to feel angry. I know I never would have done that on my own or in our house. After our fight, we didn't speak a word to each other for a week. Pretty intense. Yes, we have a dysfunctional marriage, and yes, I am ending it. So to make a long answer short, what happened when I got angry at my husband was that the world did not end. We survived. I think I thought before that maybe I could not survive that. But I did. And I'll survive the divorce too.