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alexandra_k said:
behind that there is just the little kid... the absence of empathy for others. the focus on her feelings and hurts and tantrums and rages. is the notion that the way to conquer that is to feel the feelings and process things by way of the feelings rather than trying to conquer that by empathising with others and incorporating other relevant information like what other peoples take is and facts about the way the world works and so on and so forth?

i don't like that :-( i don't want to do things that way :-(

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Well, I think there is more than one way of doing things. There may be a "typical" client in therapy and you are not that client, alex, so the typical path your T has success with might not be the best fit for you. He might have to step outside his comfort zone of treatment and go to "plan B." But he sounds like a good T, so I think he can do this. You are just not making it easy for him. But I think that's OK.

Sometimes my T tries to treat me like the typical client but at the same time he has acknowledged that I do not really fit that profile, same as my marriage does not fit the typical profile that he, a divorce expert, is used to. I do see him sometimes trying to put me into a box or my marriage into a box, and I don't like it. I have reminded him that his box does not fit, so don't put me/us into it, as his therapy interventions based on "the box" are not helping me. I think sometimes T's can go into rote mode and just respond based on the box they see you in at the moment (like it's 7 pm, they've been seeing clients for 10 hours straight and they are kind of zoned out). Sometimes you have to draw them back into your uniqueness to get the genuine response that is truly healing.