I'm so sorry that you were in this relationship that made you feel so miserable.

Take out all the good things he did for you, take out all the bad things - the best judgement of a relationship with a person is how they make you feel. You felt like a kicked dog who'd always return to his "master" - I think it leaves no doubt in my mind that this relationship was no good to you, despite all the good things he did for you.

And the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - I so wish this was the unique case - but it's as common as sun rising in the east. When a relationship is all bad, a person gets fed up and leaves. It's the kisses with the punches that keeps us tied in abusive relationship and keeping us moving in circles. A delicious chocolate ice cream laced with poison, is poison, not ice cream. If you don't feel loved, cherished, respect and growth in a relationship - it's not worth it.

I think it's time, as you know it deep down, to kick this relationship goodbye. Please stay strong. Stop answering calls. Don't be sucked back into this. The storm has left - time to repair the house.

Start reaching out to your friends. Let your heart out. But more importantly, start therapy. The quicker you get help, the earlier you heal and the earlier you heal, the quicker you can stand back up in your life and move on. And the best "win" you can get with an abusive person is moving on.

And please do write a secret blog - only for you. Writing is very healing - it acknowledges your feelings that mere recalling incident doesn't.

Good luck.