hi tucker,

your post made me think a lot because I think I have gotten to the same place you seem to be in. i have just wanted to say "to heck with everyone I am killing myself here and there seems to be no end to what I am expected to do."

I have only recently realized that I put most of the pressure and demands on myself and also I put myself in the position of acceding to demands from others so that they began to develop excessive expectations. Meanwhile I was getting less and less of what I needed and wanted, and it seemed like no one was there when I needed THEM.

So I had to reassess relationships-including family relationships. Some people in my family I have had to back off completely from because it didn't seem like the relationship could withstand the new, more assertive, me who was setting boundaries. Other people were glad to see me start responding to more of my own needs and wants and I guess those are the people I want around me.

I don't intend to write off my less understanding family members, but for the time being until they understand and respect that I am no longer the "go-to gal" for everything they need and want, I have to keep a distance.
I forget who said it, but someone said we teach other people how to treat us. I was teaching people how to treat me like a doormat. Now I have to help them and myself unlearn that. I haven't been doing this for very long but so far I am pretty happy with the results. I can no longer feel guilty for not being everything to everybody. One thing in particular that helps me is that I realize some of the things I did kept others from developing their own self reliance and self sufficiency--so what I was doing for them, could be seen as harmful and preventing them from developing their own coping abilities.

Meta