Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretum
My therapist is really interested in PDs, and we have had some discussions on them before, which I find interesting.
She told me that Narcissists actually feel really insecure and hide that insecurity by "putting up a front" of extreme confidence and self-worship. From reading posts from you all here, I've decided that is probably not true, haha...but still. I imagine that it must be very painful to be a Narcissist. To have endured whatever it was you suffered with as a child, and then to grow up with a certain defense mechanism that keeps you from connecting from others on a meaningful level...
And then there is the stigma. People view you as monsters. All they can focus on is your destructive potential. On the front page of PC even, it seems that there is always at least one article on "how a narcissist abuses their victims" or "signs there is a narcissist in your life", etc. But no one ever talks about the suffering that the Narcissist goes through. It's as if people think that because Narcissists can't empathize with others, they do not deserve empathy themselves.
While, I feel that that is bullpoop. I think that everyone is entitled to empathy, and that everyone deserves to be supported, loved, and cared for.
I guess my question is....do you wish that people were more willing to try to empathize with you? To see who you really are, a complex, emotive human being who is the way that they are due to circumstances completely out of their control?
Or do you not really care about having people try to understand you, as long as they respect/admire you?
I'm genuinely curious. I hope I haven't insulted anyone here. I really like all of you (especially you, Atypical  ) |
Thank you so much for recognizing this. I wish more people were as informed as you about this. Though I can't directly identify with the psychopathy Atypical mentioned, I have been diagnosed with NPD, and empathy tends to be a fluctuating resource in NPD's unfortunate manifestations (fortunately these connections can be repaired). Perhaps one of the tragic and avoidable realities of this "disorder" (it's really a defense mechanism that can be armed and disarmed) is the stigma that its sufferers have to live down.
While there are certainly truths to be culled from the general message that NPD defenses can leave a great deal of damage in their wake, many of these sensational articles (spurred further by fictional characters like those in 50 Shades of Grey) never mention that NPD is a spectrum (or inventory), ranging from 0-40. Most Americans are in the 15-16.2 range of this spectrum, while anything over 17 is approaching "pathological." It's said that actors average about 18 on the spectrum, while reality stars are around 19.5. The higher end, tending toward malignant NPD, seen in dictators and many prisoners, is around 23 and over. These would be your Scott Petersons and OJ Simpsons. When I last took the inventory my personal number was 19. But it's important to point out there is no predictable model for this in terms of individual behavior. Many over 23 would be high functioning, and master chameleons. They say politicians, lawyers, and doctors tend to be higher on the spectrum. It's also said that NPD is underdiagnosed, not to mention on the rise.
I was talking to my friend the other day about this. The stigmatization of personality disorders is a social construct born out of fairly stark ignorance. This makes this idea that we should be “ashamed” of our disorder exactly tantamount to feeling shame for cancer, and it’s a fallacy. A narcissist should be self-aware (many are not, or are indifferent about their state), but to feel shame for the upbringing you had isn't exactly logically tenable.
Societally there is more emphasis on protecting the healthy than treating the unhealthy. It often seems easier to ostracize the products of damaged childhoods. We can see this in other areas of the more severely abused or neglected children with cultural attitudes fixed on punishment over rehabilitation. Mainstream media and true crime shows predictably focus on the “evil” of pedophiles and killers, but psychologists, forensic psychiatrists, pathologists, criminologists, and profilers don’t use this illogical biblical label. These shows exploit and sensationalize these problems for profit rather than be motivated by the less popular sentiment of human compassion.
Buried under a redundant jet stream of misunderstanding, self-righteousness, and vilification is the deeper story of determinism. People are the products of their genetics, upbringing, and luck. Everyone would be doing exactly the same as the people they pointed fingers at if molded by the same environmental influences, the same culture, the same chance events and encounters. Better socialized countries understand causation in a way the pitchfork carrying mob of US culture predominantly does not.
The tragedy of NPD is lost on a culture bent on finger pointing and the desperate need to exact punishment. At the heart of these stories are people with hurt children trapped inside them. Despite pervading headline narratives, NPD defense mechanisms are centered around immense shame and developmental trauma.