Oh THANK GOD you are out of this god-awful relationship, because when I started reading, in my head, I was typing "GET OUT of this relationship NOW". This WAS abusive relationship, have no doubt about it.

Nothing you have typed, convinces me that this guy was worth holding on to for even a day, leave alone 2 years. He cheated on you, he was physically and emotionally abusive to you, he made you feel miserable, he was violent, he threatened you....

In a relationship, what we do for each other doesn't count. The way they make you feel does. If you feel crappy - irrespective of who's responsible, the relationship has no future and has to end. World is a tough place as it is. Family or relationships are supposed to be your safety net - even if the whole world is against you, you know that they'll always be there for you.

He was not that person.

I can tell you a gazillion times that whatever abusive people say, is not an opinion on you, but their opinion of themselves, projected on you.....but you really need to realize this yourself.

Abuse is a strange process....you know deep down that it's bad, but yet, you feel you can't function without your abuser - they make you feel like you are worthless without them. I think that's what makes you feel numb - you really don't know what to do or who you are, your sense of identity gets lost.....but I'm just guessing.

Please see a therapist (if you already are not seeing one), because abusive relationships batter your self-esteem and your sense of security. Right now, maybe you'd feel therapy seems extreme, but earlier you seek help for your problem, sooner you can heal and gain your self worth back.

All my love.