Most of the articles/forums I read involve the bipolar person's erratic behavior causing the relationship to end. Who has had the opposite occur? Ever had someone turn against you when you were at your most vulnerable? Is my husband of 20 years sabotaging our relationship because I'm a terrible burden he'd like to be free of?

A little over 2 years ago, when I was almost 50, I had a breakdown and stopped working. I have always had issues with depression and doctors suspected BP, but so little was known about the disorder, I never received the help I needed. Prescribed only an anti-depressant, Effexor, and low-dose Valium, the stresses (deadlines, long commutes, motherhood, bankruptcy, hurricane, sexual assault, domestic violence, many past traumas and dramas) of life became unbearable and I was suddenly paralyzed with panic attacks. I loved my job so much but one day I snapped, took emergency leave and never went back. I have always been an over achiever perfectionist people pleaser type and very successful until the breakdown. In fact, I earned the bigger paycheck and supported his career growth for the first half of our relationship.

Hoping to keep my job and return before my leave expired, I sought the help of psychologists and psychiatrists. It was then that I was diagnosed with a number of disorders, including PTSD, BP, panic/anxiety, etc. and as you know, it takes a long time to find the right cocktail. I still have not found the magical formula that will to return me to my former functional self.

Here's the worst part: Since my breakdown, my husband/partner of 20 years has used my mental condition and my inability to contribute financially, against me on a regular basis. I hate to argue and fight, so I usually shut down. We can all be mean and nasty at times, but I don't hit below the belt or turn the argument into a screaming bully contest. I'm as angry inside as he is, maybe more, but I try not to hurt people's feelings and say things I'll later regret. He will say anything and everything until I walk away. And I just take it over and over again. I'm so pathetic.

He's not violent, but is mean, almost sadistic, for verbally kicking me while I'm down. Really down. And he knows it, but he does it anyway. Just when I think he begins to feel empathy and stops for a while, he does it again. Until a few months ago we were in chapter 13 and I could excuse his behavior because of the financial burden I put on him as the sole breadwinner. I have tried to support him in other ways, budgeting and bills, housekeeping, laundry, meals, etc. Now that the bankruptcy court is not garnishing half his wages, he makes plenty of money to support us both. I have never left him or cheated or gone on a spending spree or been hospitalized and I am still trying to get better and hope to go back to work soon. I don't like being dependent on him. This is not the "me" I want to be.

However, I'm at my breaking point again as the reprimanding and manipulating return. Even when I worked it was never MY money. But since I stopped working, it's all HIS money. Im home, on vacation in his eyes, while he struggles to support his us. He threatens to leave me even though I have no money of my own.

I really thought he loved me, a hero in my eyes for being a good father for my daughter when her bio dad was not. I get more and more depressed though as I realize he's not the kind man I thought he was. Or is he? How do I find the strength to leave him and support myself, when I can't even get out of bed or make myself take a shower, especially now that he's hurt me again so deeply? Anyone out there had a similar situation?