I'm so sorry for your loss, DD. My brother died when he was 9 and the family never really dealt with it. We rarely mentioned him, and that was wrong. He was a happy, energetic, smart and funny kid and we should have acknowledged the good instead of hanging on to the pain. That happened 45 years ago and there are times I think of things like never knowing his "grown-up" name. We always called him by his nickname. His given name was Robert and I wonder if he'd be a Bob or Rob or Robbie, etc. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been Robert. It's odd the things that trigger these thoughts and feelings. Time lessens the pain, but doesn't always take it all away. And the deathiversary can be so hard. Even after 45 years. Having mental health issues can really make it worse.

Sorry for running on. I guess I mainly want you to know that you are not alone.

Take care.