I'll try not to bore anyone. But I can't find any help anywhere with my situation!

I met my ex 9 years ago. Before her and I got together (I'm a male) she was with a girl for about 2 years. She was 13 at the time. At this time, she was going through a lot, her parents were getting divorced and she was having terrible fights with her dad. This girl she was with, played a small part of the divorce as well.

I met her when she was 15, we talked as friends for about 2 months then met for the first time and we were both madly in love, fireworks were going off on both sides with a garden of butterflies.

She also took my virginity away.

So after we met, she pretty much ended things as a relationship with that girl but remained somewhat as friends, then eventually lost contact.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago, they got in contact. I noticed she was becoming distant, and I asked what was wrong but it seemed like she was afraid to talk.

She ended up going to a concert with this girl and a few other girlfriends ( I didn't know she was going with her ex) and I texted her that day and said

Me: Hows the concert?
Her: Good
Me: (Joking around) Whos the hot date?
Her: She said the ex girls name
Me: ...Really
Her: lol

That was it

Pretty much the next day, she told me

I need space
I need to figure my self out
I need a break
I don't know what I'm doing with my life
I'm afraid will get divorced, if we ever marry.
I have unfinished business from my past

Now to me, this is just all BS just to break up with me more easily.

That day, I went NC. 2 days later, she texted to meet and talk and to give me my stuff. We talked about how I'll give her the space and what not, and at the end, we hugged and cried for a minute.

About 4 days later (after a few drinks) she texted me saying

I need you
I miss you
I don't know what I am doing

I met up with her and she hugged, kissed, and made out with me.

She explained how they went on a few dates, and on every date they verbally fought, and at one point almost got into a physical fight!

Anyway, I knew this was a bad idea, cause she was drinking..

I told her to go sleep it off and call me tomorrow.

She did, we made plans to go out to eat and then to a movie- Great!

everything went well, we held hands and kissed a few times.

She then asked me if I wanted to go to the beach the following day, I said sure! so we did and had a great time as well. Later that evening we went to see a band with all of our friends.. on the way their on the train I knew their was something wrong, she looked so lost and confused.

We get to the venue and we start drinking, she still is very off. After a few drinks, she asked

is that a boy or a girl (it was a gay girl)

She then said "I think I'm attracted to girls, and not men.. men scare me and creep me out and I just don't want to be touched"

This same day, a bit earlier she told me that the girl called and they talked, and my ex asked her

Do you want this to happen or not. The girl said Not..

After the show, we all went home, I slept at her house in a different room, because I was too drunk to drive home.

That morning, she woke up and just sat on her phone.. I got up and asked her lets talk.

We talked.. not about much. She told me she doesn't feel it anymore and theirs no spark

I told her we can bring that spark back, but you have to stop letting your emotions get the best of you. She said how? I simply just said we have to slow things down and communicate a bit more.

I did ask her, is their another guy and she said absolutely not, trust me if I'm going to be with any guy it would be you, we have a lot together.

I left it at that

I kissed her forehead and said will be back together one day and she said I know

As I was leaving, I told her you really have to get a control of her emotions and stop thinking so negative such as getting a divorce.

(I didn't tell her this) but it seems like when the girl and her started talking, that's when the whole divorce thing came upon. Maybe bringing back those bad emotions when she was younger.

As I entered into my car, she said if you ever need to talk or text me, you know you can.

Since then, it's day 5 NC

I have been reading non-stop but can't quite find an answer as the scenario I am in seems to be a one and only.

I plan on maybe sending her a letter in about a month or maybe a text. She has always loved when I wrote letters to her when we were younger, maybe this will bring some emotions back.

I'm sorry if this is a bit everywhere, but I can barley focus and just need help.