I do not do well with anger or upset. And I get angry/upset when I'm invalidated or blamed or ignored or told not to speak before I even begin.

I go in my room, hull myself up away from everyone, think of how much life sucks, and stay completely in one position. I'm afraid if I move I will do something dumb like break something or harm myself. I start thinking of attempting suicide and it gets hard to tell myself not to do that.

When is stress or bored, I find that I twirl my hair and rip it out. I don't tend to do that much when really upset/angry because I don't move. I just feel empty.

I'm wasting my life. I sit and play video games all day. I have no friends locally. I have a family that consistently invalidates me. I have a brother who is purposely disrespectful. I have no therapist because they never call back and they're hard to find in the first place. I have no job. I am lonely and unproductive. Nobody knows how much pain I am in.

I'm scared. I just want to be something. I'm so tired of being walked all over and feeling like I have to bottle my emotions up because if I do not I will just get told they're wrong. It is so hopeless. I cannot keep living like this but I don't know how to get out. I'm stuck. I cannot move because I cannot afford to. And my mental health is the worst it has been for about 5 or 6 months. I'm scared.

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