Some very good ideas. Christina you are funny. Yes you have my number a bit there but I see where you're going with that. It is a good idea. It is worth a try to see if something can penetrate my "everything is stupid" bubble. I see myself throwing the jar or something so maybe an envelope

It is also an interesting idea, NoIdea, to try to go to bed earlier and see if that helps the late at night weird strange anxious emotions. I wonder if they are a time thing or just a lights off and lonely thing. Although there are times that I love when the house is quiet and everyone else is sleeping peacefully and it is just me. Gosh I really do change all the time it's like I'm Bipolar or something.

I know what you mean though about wanting the time without the kids. I don't know if I could go on without it.

As for tonight, I worked on my thoughts doing my "skills" and felt like my head was calmer but what always happens is that even when I feel like I have resolved some of the rumination issues that are bothering me....the thoughts are still jumbled and I'm still having a physiological event feeling jittery and buzzy and agitated and blah and I've just spent sooooooo much of my life trying to breath and gratitude journal and yoga my way out of that **** and I try and it just never cuts the mustard.

So I popped the benzo and puff it's like putting the lid on a pot on fire. Thank you God for benzos!