Hello all. I have been very stressed out lately because I have finally begun to work through my history of sexual abuse with my therapist. As of late I've been having a lot of conflicting feelings about my grandmother, and here's why.

My grandmother came to live with my mom and I when I was only 3 years old (I'm in my early 20s now) and she was pretty strict and emotionally abusive. I still live with her and she's still emotionally abusive.

I started seeing a therapist last year and that's how I learned she was emotionally abusive, and I accept that. However, it's the sexual abuse that I have a hard time accepting. I don't like calling it that.

You see, she used to touch me when I was around 5 years old, but she stopped after I got molested by our neighbor's niece. I told my mother what the niece did to me (although I was a kid so I couldn't articulate things well and gave her a really watered down version of what happened). My mother was going to confront our neighbor, but ended up not doing so because my grandmother said, "Don't say anything because they'll think you're lying". My mother just told me this last week, right after I finally told her what my grandmother did to me as a kid.

Right now I'm furious at my grandmother, for what she did and for what she told my mother when I was molested. But then I get angry at myself because I feel horrible being mad at her. She shows that she loves me but then I think about all the mean things she's said and done and I don't know what to feel.

Has anyone else felt like that? Confused about how to feel about their abuser, especially if it was someone close to them?