Right now I'm furious at my grandmother, for what she did and for what she told my mother when I was molested. But then I get angry at myself because I feel horrible being mad at her. She shows that she loves me but then I think about all the mean things she's said and done and I don't know what to feel.

Has anyone else felt like that? Confused about how to feel about their abuser, especially if it was someone close to them?

The nice/nasty situations can lead to Stockholm Syndrome. Trauma bonding

Narcissistic Abuse: Trauma Bonding with a Narcissistic Mother
(or grandmother)