Hey bittersweetsugar,

Much of what you wrote could have come from me. My inner critic used to drive me crazy! Still does at times..

I feel like the point of turning your negative thoughts into positive ones is to make you feel good - nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't what I needed. I needed someone to hear me out when I told them my story - that I actually feel worthless because (in my case) of how my parents treated me when I was growing up.

So, I found myself a therapist who did just that - she listened. She listened to me complain about my cr*ppy parents. She didn't tell me to just think positively, or that I needed to 'get over it'. In fact, she'd tell me 'now's the time to be miserable' and then support me while I was being just that.

To me, 'positive thinking' as a coping mechanism feels like a bandage - a coping mechanism, precisely. I want to heal and get better, not have to put my energy every day into 'coping'. I don't want to be fighting with my mind as though it's behaving badly - I have my thoughts because of what I learned about myself early on in life, and because I didn't have anyone back then who could have told me it wasn't true what I'd learned.

I saw my therapist regularly for three years. Last year, I lost my job and couldn't afford to go anymore, however, my therapist has still agreed to help me via emails and texts, and even see me if I need it.

Lately, I've noticed my inner critic has grown a lot more silent. I feel this has happened 'organically' as I've learned those messages were false to begin with (my critic actually spoke/speaks with my mother's voice). I needed people to prove that to me - I needed someone to listen to me when I'm angry, sad, whatever it was that my parents originally couldn't approve of. That's how I learned those feelings weren't the problem - the problem was my parents didn't know how to accept those feelings, and because of their issues, couldn't/didn't want to learn.

There's still a long way to go, but this is how I want to do it. I want to find people who'll teach me I'm full-on acceptable!

Know that it's OK to feel worthless. I can tell you you're not, in fact but it's obviously the result of something that's happened in your life. Can you recognise what might have caused you to feel this way?

Also, even though you feel like you're not making progress in therapy, know that you are, somewhere deep down.. My therapist has said this to me so many times when I've been frustrated and felt like giving up! Once you've started the process, there's always something happening underneath the surface, no matter how small.. And someday, you'll reap the benefits

Also, know that you DO deserve the good things you have in your life! You're lucky to have them, but you also deserve them, even though you feel you don't.. And of course you feel you don't because you believe you're worthless - which you ain't and you'll learn to believe that as long as you keep letting people in and letting them tell you how wonderful you really are!