This is a really interesting description of your experience. This may or may not be similar but I sometimes feel like there is an insurmountable force that wants to be translated through me, as though I am a channel or something. It is not something I can properly put into words but I would describe it as spirit or pure energy. I really have no idea how to describe it but your experience reminded me of my own.

"The med place is a cork to cover it"...this is a really good way to describe it.

I hope you get to feeling well soon.