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Originally Posted by DepressedMyself
But I do not know how to change. I have been like this for more than 10 years, and the thought of changing my attitude sounds very foreign to me. I believe that my new behavior shielded me from further abuse when I was a child, and I thought that it would be best to simply adapt to my feelings.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DepressedMyself
I was once religious when I was younger. I did not go to church on Sunday, and I was not compelled to, but we did have to pray. When I had gone through what I did that resulted from PTSD, I found myself praying more and more, in an attempt to make it those bad events stop. It didn't. It actually gotten worse as time progress, and when I saw how vain of an attempt it all was, I started to resent religion altogether. I am now an atheist, partially from the things that I endured, and partially from the fact that it now suits my personality.
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I want to ask you something and seriously think about it: How do you know you haven't changed?
I'm asking because you might be like me. I used to focus on every bad moment in and out, thinking that "I haven't changed. How can I after all this time?" But then I looked over chat logs and old deviantart accounts and saw that, oh yes I have changed.
People like us tend to put ourselves in a lesser category than others. We blame ourselves for things when they go wrong. But really, you have to remember something important: we are always changing. We do whether we want to or realize it, and I can tell by listening to your tone that you know you have changed. It might not be the change you want or enough change, but it has happened. And I think you're putting it in a negative context, like "I have to change because I don't like myself." Do you want to, or do you feel you should? Do what makes you feel right and happy; nothing about you needs "fixed." Repaired is a better word for me.
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And if religion doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. I'm an atheist as well because of bad experiences with religious people. I'm also gay and a scientist, so a no-god policy fits my life better.
What I'm saying is that I think you're hung up on " I shoulds" instead of "I wants." What do you want for yourself? Answer that for me. :]