Quote:
Originally Posted by lunaticfringe
This is a really interesting description of your experience. This may or may not be similar but I sometimes feel like there is an insurmountable force that wants to be translated through me, as though I am a channel or something. It is not something I can properly put into words but I would describe it as spirit or pure energy. I really have no idea how to describe it but your experience reminded me of my own.
"The med place is a cork to cover it"...this is a really good way to describe it.
I hope you get to feeling well soon.
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In previous delusional episodes, I referred to myself as a "god module" and made very detailed drawings explaining how the entire thing works, though I only ever shared these things with one very close friend I had at the time back then. It wasn't even so much that I "believed", but rather I
felt it, very strongly, that some of us are like portals, hosts - some sort of module of a dissipated higher being, and that we are here to observe, record - to serve as windows for this higher power, to look through and observe the human experience. I also had a feeling that there was some sort of analysis, perhaps some sort of judgement, involved.
But I was mostly just blown away and in awe that I had managed to "turn around" and "look behind myself" and see that it was connected to me, peering through me, and I felt that it was mildly amused to notice that I had noticed it.
I have seen more than a handful of people with BP describe the experience of being/feeling connected to something larger like that. It's very interesting.