Ok. . .so I've been "chatting" some about the whole couch thing, reading other people's threads about their T's and transfernece and object constancy and the whole lot. And through it all, I'm wondering, am I just totally off the map here?

My T and I have a very open relationship. At one point, we were both in the same sunday school class, fellowshipped together as couples, and existed outside of his office quite nicely. I have seen him off and on for four years, and in the interims, have developed a nice friendship with his wife as well. When they purchased their new home, they invited us out to see it and be part of the 'home blessing.' When their daughter was born, we got an announcement and his wife made it a point to bring her to the office. We see one another out in town. . .we speak, making it a point sometimes to cut across the store to do it. We play tennis together occasionally. He hugs me, I've hugged him. He has taken my hands during session and brushd my hair out of my face when I tried to hide behind it.

Are we too close? Is this transference to the nth degree? WHAT is transference specifically? I don't really "wish for" the closeness that I have read about b/c I think I already have it, but it doesn't seem unnatural to me. But maybe I'm effed up, huh?

How does all of this play in my unnerving fear of the upcoming session? I don't think I've ever really been this fearful before, but I know if/when I walk in there and say, "I don't know if I can do this" he's going to reach out, take my hand and soothe those fears with reassurences and honesty that reaches his eyes. That's how you can tell, you know, whether people are being truthful. When he says, "You can trust me," I know that I really CAN.

I feel like such a freak.