I have a sponsor that I don't feel like I am connecting with but some would say that I don't even speak with her enough to know. This is fair because I don't. I don't want to have to be calling anyone to check in.

I have several things that bother me. 1) I just divorced a controlling husband and the idea of having to report to someone again is not what I want. 2) I have trouble making friends because I fear being smothered and I don't want to commit to anyone. 3) I don't believe in God and I don't pray. Though my sponsor knows this she still insists that I will "come to believe" and she's always trying to say "You just had a spiritual awakening." 4) I am extremely uncomfortable hugging and she knows this yet continues and has recently added kisses on the cheek. 5) The first time I went to her house to work on the steps she said, "I know you don't pray but I always do before doing any step work but you don't have to pray with me." In the same breath she reached for my hands to hold and began to pray. I was very uncomfortable.

I am aware that a lot of these things are my issues but I don't want to continue with her. It has probably been a month since we spoke and I keep hoping to see her at a meeting to tell her that I don't feel like I am ready to have a sponsor. I don't know why I have such a strong aversion to the phone. I don't want to tell her that I don't want her as my sponsor because of the hugs, kisses, God stuff, and the idea that I am supposed to call her even if I don't have any reason to call. I'd rather just blame it on me and not being ready to commit to having a sponsor.

Any ideas or thoughts on anything I've written would be extremely helpful. I have a meeting in 45 minutes in which I hope to see her. I hope I find the courage to be as honest as I can and just dissolve the relationship.