So today it started at 1 pm. It was worse. I ceased to be able to deal with anything though I did kept doing to obviously but I caught myself crying because of how fat and ugly and stupid and I am and how now one cares about me. I am not fat or ugly and stupid and lots of people care about me and I know this. But it just still feels bad some how. I tried all the positive stuff and I have them all around me so it's like I know they are there and I am there with that part of my brain even though somewhere else everything is shortcircuiting and my brain is making me feel like something really bad has happened but nothing happened.

I took the klonopin which took a lot of the physical agitation away. I was wellish for awhile and now I have come to that point where I am like unable to be around my family because I just feel too dull/crushed/out of it etc. I just end up snapping at my husband and being super sensitive about everything.

This is like the next step of my lows. Like someone dumped sand on my head and then put a weighted blanket over my head and I start having a harder time playing normal.