It's nice to see someone posting in this forum that is supportive and has some ideas on repairing and working on improvement rather than feeding into this challenge CBDMediator.

I like your quote about the waves, I have been working very hard on learning to surf, I do fall off and crash from time to time, that is what happens with PTSD so I try very hard not to be hard on myself when a big wave comes that I can't seem to surf. My one constant is YET.

I appreciate your input and I know you can't do much more without the details. I try not to think about what you discribe as NPD defenses in a way where the individual is just considered "evil or bad", even though I have definitely been hurt by these defenses.
I have recognized that there is a great deal of "stress" in the individual that uses these defenses. The "edge" is in reality "being on the edge" so that is a challenging place to be all the time.