I cannot seem to stop thinking about my T's wife and adult children. T and i went to the same church. I have met them through the church but probably won't anymore since I switched churches. I've read a lot about transference here which has been extremely helpful but I suspect still that there is something wrong with me because the obsession does not seem to be letting up over time. He is very happy in his life he says and I am jealous that he gets all the love (and a naturally thin attractive body) and has perfect kids and so on. I think to myself "how could he ever know what it is like to be unloveable?" So I am also jealous of him. I am jealous of his family that gets to be with him so much. I particularly obsess about his adult daughter. Why does she get his love? He loves her a lot I can tell. I never had that. He told me the truth which is it is too late now ... I will never have a father's love. The daughter is very perfect in every way. Even if i were younger and his daughter I could never measure up.
Every time i walk into T's office he reminds me, by his very presence, of everything i do not have and never will probably. Although I love him half to death i also hate him too. I had a dream last night in which I kidnapped his adult daughter, kept her prisoner, just so that I could look and look at her and ask her questions about her father. She means so much to him. Partly i want o keep a part of him near me (in the form of his daughter) and partly I want to hurt him but why??? I tell him everything but I can't tell him about this dream because I am afraid he'd freak and refuse to see me anymore. But maybe that is what he should do anyway. All this is sick I know. Any advice?