Hi LBG. I'm so sorry you're hurting. So sorry for the loss of someone who was so obviously special. What Mazing said was spot-on. There is one thing I want to add. If you don't have one, please consider getting a therapist. One who can help you work through your grief. You deserve to be happy; it doesn't mean you love your grandmother less. I'm guessing that your grandmother would want you to be happy. Be gentle with yourself. Keep posting.