Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground
I understand that my coping mechanisms only lead to anger, frustration and hurting others. You see I know that there are many emotions people feel and in the ways they express them is what makes people who they are. Generally people's emotions are one in the same, if one is shy then another one who is the same relates. Just as with all the emotions which are a large group I suppose make them all relatable to people who feel them. I know that if I feel all those emotions my definition of expression is only if my limited coping mechanism. Completely forget when others are feeling them and I'm supposed to understand. I can understand strengths much more than weakness. Not in a sense that people who have colorful feelings are weak, it's just what I'm used to thinking of. Part of my "N" ways which accounts for blurred vision when it comes to these types of things. I also fully understand the mirrors and looking in as me rather that someone as their own. This at times really holds me back, feels as if the weight of the world is carried by me alone. That my mind is a tool that compares to ones who are depressed, underdeveloped, completely nuts and everything i between. Because I have NpD it allows me to transform what one may show as what it is for me to show as an opposite. To take something and not have to speak words to manipulate. To act in a way of just movement that makes me something I am not. I am lucky I guess that I am able to feel for myself because if I didnt I probably would of been a serial killer... Anyways that's it for now. I do appreciate the feedback and to see another with NpD here speaking of things that would make another with the same appreciate. Not an easy task here.
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Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts, man. I think it's a good idea to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings to keep yourself in check, but there's no utility in judging yourself for any of it. I doubt you need to be reminded of any of this, but it's important to keep in mind:
1.You're someone dealing with some stuff like everyone else. You aren't alone. I read a lot of biographies. I used to think I had this terrible past, and then I hear or read about some highly successful personality with a biography that would make a child from Darfur cry. Hell, even Jon Kabat-Zinn spent his youth fighting on the streets of New York. Now he's a meditation guru. I only mention this, because we're often so internal worrying about the past or future, worrying about "me, me, me, I, I, I." and somewhere there's a kid dying of leukemia. It's all relative.
2. There's no utility in over-judging past events or flaws you're already working on. It's wasted energy. You can put this sack down. You aren't defined by your past mistakes. You aren't defined by any labels. There's only right now, and your goals.
3. Turn your "camera" outward. Allot some time to think about people you care about every day. It builds empathy, while getting you out of that game of kick the can around the brain.
4. When you aren't thinking about others, monitor your thoughts for self-criticism. Is your inner critic just saying whatever it wants to you undefended? As Ralph Waldo Emerson says (famously borrowed from something the ancient Greeks figured out), "A man is what he thinks about all day long." If your mind is fixed on anger, loss and despair all of the time, you start priming your brain for more of the same, and there's a good chance your critical self-talk isn't getting rebutted with more rational and neutral answers.
5. Be open to being vulnerable for or flawed to others, but don't blindly give everyone power over your emotional control center. Establish boundaries. It's a lot of responsibility to give away full access to your emotions. You decide who gets to go in there or not.
I feel like I should get royalties from Kabat-Zinn for how much I plug him, but if you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend this: