I hope this helps. I have highlighted some things for your attention. You wrote:

My bf of 1.5 years broke up with me about 2 months ago, and I'm at the end of my rope.

Give yourself a little bit more time--maybe a month--to get over this. If you feel you cannot, you might want to consider seeing a counselor.

Our relationship was perfect and harmonious. We never had any fights, and most of the time was long distance which worked out well. My bf brought up the marriage talk so I could move in with him. We filled out the necessary paperwork during my last visit to him, but then a month later out of the blue he says he wants to break up.

We didn't have any fights, although he was stressed out about moving to a new state and starting a new job. This caused him to be cold, get annoyed more easily and stress out over minor things.

His upcoming move and new job likely loomed large in his eyes. Your depiction of him being "cold" says more about you and your expectations than it does about him. Please understand:

No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. I see those two ideas expressed most often on this website by people who are in distress, who have emotional difficulties, or who are dealing with others with emotional difficulties. Real life and real people and real relationships are imperfect. How we deal with those imperfect people and those imperfect relationships is the difference between good health and misery.

He has been diagnosed with ADD when he was a teenager but doesn't take any meds. Since the breakup came so suddenly, I am wondering if he may also suffer from depression or bipolar disorder. He booked a ticket to come see me literally 6 days before the breakup!

Impulsivity is a hallmark of ADD. He may not need medication; and he need not be suffering from depression nor bipolar. He may have realized he had made an impulsive decision and decided to change his mind. That needn't have come from any pathology. He may view it as righting a poorly thought-out decision.


In the meantime, he has shipped me my stuff back, deleted me off his Netflix account and put me on restricted Facebook privacy settings.

I have been reflecting on this for a while, but I still can't wrap my mind around since I can't find any reason to break up. We haven't talked a month now.

Here is your cue to seek a counselor. Give yourself a little more time, and if you still cannot adjust, nor see that his decision was his own and to be respected; and that now you are free to build your life according to a new plan, then consider seeing a counselor.

Is this depression or is he just an awful person but hid it well?


It may be neither. He decided this relationship wasn't right for him, so he has broken it off. He wasn't kind about it, but he may have thought a discussion would not have gone the way he wanted, so he made it quick and permanent.

I think what is important for you going forward is to decide what you want for you and your life, move slowly in your next relationship, make your next relationship local and in person if you truly want marriage, and expect imperfection, but have standards and morals and goals you are comfortable with and will not compromise on.