Quote:
Originally Posted by jo_thorne
You do sound depressed. Maybe not horribly so, but enough to sap your energy and motivation and to make it hard to see any point in life's activities.
May I ask why you're living in SoCal and if you have the option to move away from there if you don't like it? Being in a place that isn't right for us is energy-draining. Sometimes we don't have the option to move away and have to work around that, but if moving is possible, it can be helpful.
I see the word "happy" a lot in your post. This is going to sound dumb, but in what sense to you mean "happy"? Feeling happy, being satisfied, other?
I ask because I think there are many other words to describe a good life.
Are you able to think about medium and long-term goals? Depression makes it harder to do that, but do you now or have you in the past had goals for what you want to do in your for work/career, relationships, children, where you want to live/home ownership, social network, volunteer work, money, etc?
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I was born and raised here, I left because I've never been happy and I was forced to come back simply because there wasn't any work and I could no longer support myself.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm not unhappy, there's nothing I'd rather be doing. I have never had anything I've really wanted to do with my life, and I've never been able to picture myself in a certain scenario, and it's been this way since I was a child. I've always seen myself being alone, I have abandonment issues and I don't believe that anyone will ever stay in one place.
I don't want to be anything or go anywhere, it will all be the same, I will be working all day and night just to survive the next day and night, if I want an education I'm going to need to be able to afford it, and then make sure I can focus on it so I don't waste my time and money.
I know that I am depressed and that is making this seem more pointless, but once I get better I still don't see a positive future after that.
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