Its like everyday I feel like a ghost, a shadow of my former self. I know most people feel the same way but I'm tired. I've tried meds, I've tried group, I've tried talking but nothing works longer than a month in a half. I mean for a little while I feel okay, but not normal, not like I used to feel before everything became so crappy. The only time I feel normal is when I'm high and I can't waste all my money doing that for the rest of my life. The other day I actually felt like my old self but I had to get super stoned to feel like that. I don't mind spending my life high but I really can't afford it. I know I'm not legally supposed to smoke weed but I just have to so I can feel normal. I'm doing illegal stuff and its all that helps. I'm going deeper into the darkness and the worst part is I'm ready to just say f it and go off the deep end. I'm just tired of living like this. I guess things would be easier with out me sometimes. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.