I'm just numb and sick from the stress.
We argue today over the build up that grows inside me from the unsettled arguments.

We argue, he says things, i say things. Go to sleep and pretend everything is fine. That's his way. I on the other hand am haunted by the things said. I need a resolve and know what was truth and what was anger. I need to talk to figuer out how not to have the same argument. I don't try to hold grudges but i kinda do. I need to make-up.

He doesnt get this. Rather not talk since it leads to arguing....
Ok

So how do you work on things?

Oh let's just stop fighting. Ok...

Saying it doesn't make it happen.

Things got heated. I told him to go find a ***** since he's had a history of doing that when things get hard. He said if there was one to go to right now he would be there.

Im crushed. Cant eat. Just want to medicate myself to sleep. When I'm sleeping i feel nothing.

I know i deserve better.
I know that if he was unfaithful he may be again and i deserve better.

I'm still crushed.

I made a commitment to him to work though anything. I have seen all his ugly sides at the very beginning and chose to love him regardless.
We are both bipolar.

Im in treatment he's not

Im in a really depressed space right now and he's just agitated at the slightest reason. Been like this for a couple months.

Now this.

Don't know if we will come back from this.

Don't know if i want to.

I just need to let this out in a place where i don't have to fear judgment or hear how i should leave him.

Should should should. I hate that word.

I should have never been with him in the first place if i really want to be honest with myself.

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