Hello, OrionLN, and welcome to Psych Central! You might be doing some things that could be perceived as "abusive," but there's no doubt that he is being abusive toward you. It's like you both are re-living your abusive pasts.

This relationship is very unhealthy. I suggest you see a therapist as soon as you can. Be prepared to leave, and don't buy into his suicide ploy. even if he didn't follow up on his threats, it would not be your fault.

I suggest you do not tell him even what we said. You will not be able to "win." That's my take anyway. Please keep in touch.