You can ignore this. I wouldn't blame you.

*****************TRIGGER**************************




I don't feel ok tonight. I haven't for a few days now. Ive been practicing my DBT skills I have learned thus far but I still have dark matter in my mind. It swirls and I cant stop rocking. I haven't gotten caught up in rocking for a long time now but its happening. So I sit and rock and think happy thoughts that song last long.

I wont self-harm because I almost feel competitive that I wont do it. I haven't since May 24 this year. I cant, I wont do it. BUT the thoughts stay. I think of ways to die and how I can do it. I don't feel suicidal...just have these thoughts.

I don't see T til Thursday so I will do my best to be ok til then. I don't want him to see me down. I was so happy last week. Not hypomanic, just really happy.

Whats become of me?