Quote:
Originally Posted by jman197
Its like everyday I feel like a ghost, a shadow of my former self. I know most people feel the same way but I'm tired. I've tried meds, I've tried group, I've tried talking but nothing works longer than a month in a half. I mean for a little while I feel okay, but not normal, not like I used to feel before everything became so crappy. The only time I feel normal is when I'm high and I can't waste all my money doing that for the rest of my life. The other day I actually felt like my old self but I had to get super stoned to feel like that. I don't mind spending my life high but I really can't afford it. I know I'm not legally supposed to smoke weed but I just have to so I can feel normal. I'm doing illegal stuff and its all that helps. I'm going deeper into the darkness and the worst part is I'm ready to just say f it and go off the deep end. I'm just tired of living like this. I guess things would be easier with out me sometimes. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
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I don't have experience with weed, but I doubt that's a good solution and you probably realize that already. The usual problem with drugs instead of doing healthy things is that oppositional tolerance makes the benefit you get go down over time.
I think I know some of how you feel. I was in bad shape for a long long long long time. After a while, you don't really expect anything to help much since nothing has helped for so long. I know it's hard to believe, but depression is a really a paper tiger. You seemingly can't escape because it gets into you via an unconscious process. Because it's unconscious, you don't have a direct way to control it and that's what makes it seem powerful. However, it's actually easy to affect by training, at least in many situations. If this interests you, here are some notes
http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf
and what I think is the best general plan:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html
Check for the physical stuff. MDs often don't, and if you happen to have, for instance, a massive vitamin D deficiency, you're just not going to be feeling good just because of that.
How about letting us know how it's going? Even if you're feeling terrible, a bit of chatting on this web site might make a difference too.
- vital