hi,

I am extremely upset atm, unsure which way to turn. I want something that I know at best will be short lived (at least I believe that), and on the other hand I am tired with being stuck in a relationship that I'm unsure I should still be in, purely because I am afraid to destroy my partner.

I want to return to the person I was before the rollercoaster of emotions monopolized my life. My friends think I am crazy for even considering someone they think is an asshole. I on the other hand, can see their point. Perhaps, I have confused them so much, they don't know how else to act.

They have already accused me of being hot and cold, but this occurs only because I can never read where they are coming from or going to next. My heart is ripped in two, a sense of duty and loyalty, that apparently appears to be helping no one.

I wanted to end it on the weekend, but found myself making peace that this is my life, my choices were made long ago and now I cannot go back and rewrite history, even in moments of weakness I want to.

How do you deal with the emotion and move on, so that you are no longer torn. How should I process the guilt, make peace with my choices and return to the person who was happy with their life overall, before my heart intervened.

I cannot understand my behaviour, much less justify it and yet, I'm so worried I will make the wrong decision, I am frozen into indecision, which is causing more problems than a direct choice would cause.