Hi... I'm in tears right now and can barely type, so please bear with me.

To make a long story short, I have had severe depression since my teens, and it pretty much runs my life. Last year, I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. I can't recognize my own hypomanias-- although my doctors do.

So last year or thereabouts I was put on Cymbalta and Abilify. I did OK on it but I gained 60 pounds. Stupidly, I decided to ditch my psychiatrist and go off the meds to lose weight. I am a wreck. I feel like a worm is eating my brains. I am crying constantly. Can't even go to the store without welling up. Accusing my husband of all sorts of things.... having hot flashes... obsessing about stupid stuff, and barely functioning.

I know I need to go back on the meds, but I keep hoping this is just withdrawal syndrome, and if I wait it out, I will be OK.

I'm also having a bit of a crisis because I think I want another baby (I have two kids already), and I can't be on the meds for that, but off the meds, I am not sure I can make a sound decision. I was horrifically depressed through my last pregnancy and ended up taking Zoloft in the third trimester. I really don't want to do that again.

I'm overweight and I feel terrible about myself. I am lonely and bored being a stay-at-home-mom, which makes things worse (although, not sure if I'd be able to hold down a job anyway).

I am just falling apart and I don't know what to do.