Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaV
Thanks!
Indeed, we were in a long distance/across the ocean relationship. I lived in his country for a while before I had to move back home due to visa restrictions - my work visa and contract had ended. We had been dating for only a couple of months before I moved back. He pushed for a long distance relationship, and it started to grow slowly with many overseas trips back and forth. We both sacrificed all of our free days to visit each other. We spent about 4 months together total if I add up all the times we were together since my move.
The long distance would end somewhere this Fall, as we were filing paperwork for us to get married. We had explored all the options, and getting married seemed to be the fastest, easiest, cheapest option. Now all of a sudden he says it won't work anymore. I had already given up my job and apartment here to move over to him, and he knew it...
Due to his ADD and tendency towards depression when stressed out, I decided to look at this forum to try to get some advice/information/similar stories as to what might be going on. I know there is no third party involved.
I had already given up important things in my life - job, apartment, said goodbye to family and friends. And then he decided it isn't going to work.
I am healing slowly, and I am almost starting to accept his decision. Nevertheless, I don't understand why it had to be so quick and sudden.
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Maybe his mother is a factor? I've had a situation where a guarantee was practically needed. How would anyone be able to 'guarantee' another person's happiness?
Even if on the outside it would appear there's nothing to hold them back from a leap, internal strife when there's emotional turmoil from the past can hold a person back. I do understand how and why you'd question MI. Yet, even if so, there's more to people than depression or whatever else they may have going on for them. MI's can be complex, there's the illness then there's all the compexities of external factors.
About being under the impression that all was well, that can be a red flag. In your case, a flag that he wasn't being authentic about any worries or self doubts. That's important for couples to share. You(plural form) could address it even gently, yet risk the chance of having such a discussion turned on you for numerous reasons. In my case for not listening. Listening is a skill i do well, sooo...that's the depression or whatever have you talking.
Your fiance withdrawing as a behavior can be depression or another. Yet it only explains certain behavior. Fear of confrontation can be learned through environment.
Labeling has gotten touchy around here, as sometimes it's a bashing tool.
I have much empathy for you. Will he at least visit and not toss money down the drain?