Sounds like she has trouble handling her emotions and doesn't know what to do with yours.

You sound conflicted between the encouragement you're getting from your husband and pastor to keep trying and feeling like you're done with being hurt and don't want to subject yourself to it any longer. It doesn't have to be all or nothing forever. I'd encourage you to step back, disengage from her, take some time to heal from the hurt. Then see. xo