Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmicRose
You have no obligation to him, it doesn't matter if he's your father. You do not need to contact him, for any reason. Only contact him when/if you want to. I know what its like to have an abusive parent and not want to have anything to do with them, but keep crawling back to them, whether its hoping they'll change or out of pity. Sometimes for me it's even out of necessity financially, which is the worst. So if you don't absolutely need to, then don't. It's hard but it gets easier. For example, if you go no-contact the first year, but feel super guilty, then send a card or a quick phone call but leave it at that and move on with your day. Don't get sucked into any emotional blackmail or manipulative games. Be aware of that but you can still put on a nice face and a short conversation and be done with it. That's what I do these days. I get pissed at myself for being nice - but if it means keeping the peace, then so be it.
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You are totally right. I am not obligated to him. It's hard to move past that feeling of obligation though, isn't it. It's now been 2 weeks of no contact. He's close to one of my brothers because that brother can't see or doesn't want to see past his manipulation. Anyhow, my dad related the run in to my brother and completely left out key parts, painting a picture of how he was a total victim and I was incredibly rude out of nowhere. This brother tends to side with my dad, sadly. So frustrating. He always does this - plays the victim to whoever will listen and side with him. He basically spreads lies and tries to turn whoever he can against you. I'm going for 1 month of no contact. I will call him on his birthday. Just feeling like a fool that he can get under my skin. Argh!!!
Cosmic - I'm sorry for your situation as well. I really hope you can free yourself emotionally and financially from your parent.
Thank you allow you for your support and advice/insight. It's really helping me.