I've been depressed for a long time but nobody realized it. I am very aware of it and really tried to get better on my own. It has ups and downs. Now it's one if the worst moments. My therapist whom I saw originally for an ED is just gone. I always deny it and try to stay busy but I'm definitely suicidal. I wouldn't do it now but think about it obsessively, I don't know what to do. It's pure hell. Nobody sees me.