I've always tried to be a good friend. I really have.

But here I'm now dealing with two people IRL who are going through crisis. One is severly depressed and tried to kill herself this past week (amongst other problems), and the other friend ... well, she's got a whole lot of problems (SI, abuse issues, depression, suicidal junk).

Here I am trying to help these two people because I genuinely care about their well-being - and having gone through all sorts of stuff like what they keep saying - I'm trying desperately to be helpful ...

But here I think I am failing miserably.

I think this is all triggering me too much. I almost SIed on my birthday of all things because my one friend was talking about SIng. I stayed up all night worrying and trying to help and only got 2.5 hours of sleep. My other friend... not so easy to understand, but here I am trying to help - I know what it's like to feel hopeless and desperate and want the pain to end.

But I'm not suicidal, so don't think that.

I've tried urging both to talk to someone, and if I felt they were a danger to themselves in a severe way - I would tell someone. I'm not going to let them suffer in silence.

But I'm not exactly going through the best time myself at the moment. All I want to do is SI and drink or cry. I could really cry at the moment - so stressed.

When does one have to take a step back and realize that they can't help everyone - especially when they're not in the best spot themselves?

When do I realize that I'm allowed to ask for help? When do I realize that I deserve to be loved? When do I stop hating myself for everything I've done and how my life has turned out?

Can I please hide in my bed until I can actually function normally and help people again without being self-centred? Please?

Can I fall to pieces and be an emotional wreck - why do I try to keep it all together? Why do I try to control everything around me?

Why do I ask so many dumb questions?

I'm sorry, I had to vent somewhere. If this is violating the talk of suicide though, please delete it - I'm not suicidal though - just to be clear.