I often feel the exact same way. Wonder what exactly I have accomplished in the past decade, while in this vicious cycle of feeling ok/meh/sh***y. Every so often I'll get these bright moments of optimism where I say "NEVER TO LATE TO START OVER!" and then resort to my whoa is me state of mind. I know it gets better. And I know it will for you too. Just wanted you to know that I know how you feel, and you are most certainly not alone! Big hugs!