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Originally Posted by tiger8
I was told to post in this section about my problem.
So, I'm wondering why I feel a desire at times that I would like to be schizophrenic locked-in inside my mind. What is this exactly. And what to do about it. (I know this may sound strange, yes.)
When I feel this desire, I start seeing random negative images overlaying physically visible reality that I normally see with my two eyes. And, weirdly enough, it's like, it feels so so addictive good for a bit, then it goes away when I suddenly realize I don't want it that much after all.
To clarify...if I was locked-in like that, it'd just be me seeing these things all day, locked into that non-real world. Like I wouldn't have to deal with the real world anymore. My mind would not have to take in reality anymore. Could just give up on it and enjoy the negative imagery instead in my mind.
This whole desire and the images went away for a while for a few weeks this Spring. Then very recently I started feeling a stronger than ever pull towards this. I had a stronger version of overlaying too.
I mean, to me something only qualifies as a hallucination if what you are imagining does not go away when you actually directly look at the object. Well, that kinda happened now. Though not totally because I of course knew that it wasn't logical to see those things. So they did not feel fully real but...yeah, that was kinda a stronger effect than what I had before.
To clarify that more, about the images overlaying the actual sensory visual input, it's just literally that, my mind ignores the sensory input and sees something else instead, some image(s) that's loaded with negative content. This is with me directly looking at objects, not just from the corner of my eye.
I did previously have two episodes that would qualify as at least a partial loss of connection with reality. For short times (for a few minutes) nearly full loss of it. In those cases I was not cognizant of what was real and what was not real so not the same issue as I'm having now. Those happened about 2.5 and 3.5 years ago but they both had the same specific trigger that I will not allow to happen anymore.
I also have a feeling that whatever things may be troubling me that cause this feeling of pull towards this crap, are things that I'm basically betting my life on...if it doesn't get solved, I'm done for, my life is over, my mind -and my mental health with it- could totally just crack.
Any thoughts? Thanks.
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here in my location no this would not be dissociation or a dissociative disorder. in my location it would be called fictitious disorder imposed on self. the reason it would be called that in my location is the words...desiring to have a mental disorder, in my location it is also called psychosis (seeing, hearing things that are not real aka hallucinations\delusional) here in my location the psychological definition of a hallucination is when a person is seeing things that are not real, ie seeing someone when in reality there is no one there, hearing a sound when there is no reason behind the sound ie a car beep but no traffic, hearing a tv but all the tv's are turned off.
the mind is an amazing thing it can conjure up anything just by our thinking and imagining it....
depersonalization derealization in my location is not about having internal worlds/being locked in ones mind. its feelings of numbness, feeling like you are watching what is going on in the real world just not connected to it or to yourself.
here in my location having an internal imaginary world is sometimes called psychosis and many other things depending upon other accompanying symptoms.
what is locked in ones mind well here in my location if you go to a mental hospital and visit someone who is catatonic you will understand what locked in the mind is. its basically you are not physically moving, thinking or interacting with the outside world. you dont respond when someone is talking to you. many people who are "locked in their minds" never come out of the mental hospitals. they pretty much live their life in a state mental hospital where the treatment team works to come up with the right combination of psychotropic medications and other treatments to get the person back to reality.
I know that sometimes you dream\imagine this happening to you but once you visit a state mental hospital and see what it really is likeim guessing you wont want that any more. I mean can you imagine not being able to even use the restroom because you are locked in your mind. you dont realize you have to go so the body just physically goes and doctors and nurses have to change, bath you, sometimes restrain you to your bed because of the possibility of you physically harming yourself with out realizing it because you are catatonic (locked in your mind)
my suggestion contact your or a treatment provider, they can help you with this and understanding why you want to cause yourself to have a mental disorder and psychotic symptoms like leaving reality for an internal world.
one way to tell when something is a dissociative problem vs something else is with dissociative problems reality testing remains intact. what that means is the person does not loss touch with whats real and what isnt.
you mention schizophrenic symptoms there is a schizophrenia board here that you may find interesting and there may be others there that desire having schizophrenic like symptoms that you desire.