I don't know. But if I had a hunch of my stress and pain it's directed how much ruin my life has been forced to endure. I think of myself badly either sometimes over exaggerated, but not on my trauma or anything like that. I can't make any of it up. I always feel not good enough my point someone stopped to be there for me. I hated doing this all my life with my parents and family then friends then years later now co workers therapists anyone.

I don't want negative attention nor pity. Even though people don't see past my helplessness as a crutch. I didn't choose to be here. I work I do all I can, but when I need someone I don't have anyone. It's always been such. Ik if I attempted suicide everyone's form of love is locking me up labeling me and drugging ne till I'm numbed like a zombie.

Feeling from what others receive in trouble in need that support I see others have whether they work hard or not. They didn't discriminate, but cared about them alot in a way I never received.

Feeling that on here and in real life I'm a fly on the wall whether something bad happens to me or not. I get petty sentiment and apologies and useless fake pity. My mother I thought was missing or in a car wreck but I got comments from people who never talked to me to give me ********.

I feel my life is a lonely one and that I'm punished for suffering instead of enjoying suffering. That no one wants a man who works at a crappy job that pays nothing forced to rely on the few people who are putting their life into financial hell and trapped with them. Now what's worth it. I have been living with stiff person syndrome it's the one thing that's made physical labor jobs to impossible and making me unable to work certain jobs because I have not claimed but labeled disabled. Despite this I hadn't given up, but my money stolen every friend having their opportunities to leave and live the life they want while I'm forced to die in poverty.

I've never wanted someone so badly to ser what I ser. If they've experienced what I go through they be inspired to help, but I don't have that never did with anyone. I am cruel to myself for misfortunes I have no control over. **** I hate explaining and never seems to be enough. I feel I look like I'm crazy and I deserve to die.