Hi niceguy,

It's sounding like this person isn't able to be part of the type of relationship you want/need in your life. Whether that's because of their personality (some people do need a lot more space in a relationship), whether that's through personal problems/conditions, or whether that's through their experiences in relationships or something else.
And for you to change your views on the type of relationship you want/need in order to try to be happy with them.............well not sure that's possible, but if it is then it feels like you'd be giving up way too much of yourself, of your hopes, of your dreams.........for them.
I don't know if couples counselling might help you both find a point you can be comfortable with...........??? Maybe that could help in adjusting their perspectives and behaviours in a good way??? And from there maybe you might be able to accept some things about them in a way that doesn't compromise yourself or your happiness with them.
But really hard to see how the relationship can get on track without something like counselling considering the longer term pattern it's taken.
And if that's not possible, talking/non-confrontational communication, comfortable compromises with him aren't working/going to gradually work............it might be one of those situations where "Sometimes love just ain't enough".
Maybe parts of the relationship that have been/are invaluable or incredibly hard to throw away like going through hard times together, but when you relax focus on those a bit and see the "bigger picture"...........sounds like maybe the "bad" far outweighs the "good"??
And this ".........but I am not happy. In fact I haven't been for a very long time" says a lot, alongside it's not only that, is it?? You have been hurt a lot by him in the past as well haven't you??
But.........maybe if you're in a "status quo" situation right now, and all your feelings are clouding your judgements, just making things even harder for you, maybe you need some real distance from him, to help you see past things and what might be in your best interests, and longer term least painful for you????



Ali