Hey,

Need to share how I'm feeling again as I'm studying for exams and once again, am finding it hard to stay focused as I'm so afraid..

So, I absolutely should pass these exams so that I don't have to pay back the financial aid I've received from the government. I'm unable to work at the moment due to illness and am terrified I'll have to borrow the money off my parents if I fail.. I know they'd probably help me out, but I'd feel so embarrassed and like a loser for having to ask..

The worst thing about my situation is that I'm terrified, absolutely terrified of fear. I think it might be a trigger for me.. I think something happened when I was a child that made me so afraid of my dad that I dissociated, tried to shove the fear as far away from me as I could as it was too much and I couldn't handle it. Now, decades later, whenever I'm afraid of anything, even small things - and this happens a lot! - I feel like I'm suffocating and I try to dissociate from the fear - because I believe that no matter what the issue is, I can't handle it - and my mind goes straight from fear to 'I'm about to die!'

Phew.. So much stress Anyway, I thought that by sharing my fear, I might be able to start 'getting to know' it, make it seem less frightening by not running away from it anymore..

Could someone please tell me not to worry.. that no matter what, it'll be OK.. that things have a way of working themselves out.. something like that