Hi Yearning,

Please try not to feel badly about sharing, about yourself, about what happened
And you absolutely aren't a freak, in no way at all!!
The interest may have been there prior, and that's alright and you might have still gone ahead with the appointment, and that's alright too............but I'd say that at the actual time, what actually happened/the intensity/the feelings/the lack of feelings/the effects/your thoughts........all of that..........might well have been linked with the trauma you experienced. And if I'm right, then the wanting you have for it to happen like that again might more be linked with a need created by the trauma.
And again........please try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed about it, it's understandable. IMO what you need now is the support/help to process and work through what happened to you and/or where you are right now to get you to a "better place"............so if you could try not to allow anything hold you back from getting that.
You are not a freak and you truly deserve that support/help.



Alison