i felt tears welling up in reading it, too. i feel kinda the same. my family aren't there for me. aren't behind me. don't really care about me at all. they say they do at times but then they keep hurting me and over-riding me and abandoning me all over and so on with their actions. have to face the issue that i need to just accept them as they are and not expect more or something. feel really alone sometimes. i'm glad your t was able to say something to help comfort you. hard huh. grief. grieving for what was. i'm not sure what to do at moments like that either. i'm kinda grateful when he changes the subject after i've felt it a bit.

fragmentation. fear of fragmentation, i guess. i worry that the emotion will take over and that i'll be inconsolable. that that will be distressing for him. worry that i'll break apart. that that will be immensely painful. that i'll disgust him. that he will be repulsed by me. all kinds of stuff. i do cry but it is a fairly controlled crying. no snot. no sobbing. just tears rolling dowm my face and i'll just wipe them on the back of my hand. no tissue. that would be acknowledging tha ti'm actually crying. that ain't gonna happen.

ugh.

i'm glad you had a good session.