My husband and I have been together since 2000. Married since 2002. Due to male factor infertility that wasn't "caught" until 2011 (my husband had a hard time finally going in to get checked) and we had to go with an anonymous donor.

Regardless of all of that we are finally expecting our very first child in a few weeks. We are so excited and happy and although this baby is not technically my husband's "DNA" he is so excited and ready to become a dad that it doesn't seem to be an issue for him.

So with all of that said. My mother-in-law and I had a falling out about 9 years ago and as a result I have not seen, or talked to her (personally) since then.

It was really a culmination of events that led up to the cut off. She ostracized me from family gatherings, bullied me, talked over me, gossiped about me, had husband's cousins/siblings turn against not only me but also my husband to the point that when we bumped into a cousin at a grocery store we were told that we "should shop somewhere else"...

She has insinuated about my weight by buying me clothes at rummage sales that were 6 times too large and then saying things like "I got this for you because you are the only person I know that is THAT big" (at the time I was comfortably fitting into an XL in women's and I'm 5'9" when she is 4'6".

She tried to break us up on several occasions, and has treated my husband disrespectfully and he has very little good memories of her as a mother.

So, after a particularly horrible gathering which left my husband furious at his entire family, and me in tears his mother called him up and pretty much had a crazy moment where at first she seemed defensive and hurt; slammed the phone down, my husband called her back where SHE tried to turn it around that SHE was the victim.

Then that conversation ended with her telling my husband that she believes that I "tore her family apart" and that she has always had a problem with me because I never sent her a thank you card for the belated birthday gift (which was a dirty broken plastic coke-cola napkin holder she bought at a rummage sale for 5 cents..)

I was done with not only her, but also husband's siblings (two older sisters and an older brother) who all acted as her lackeys.

My husband has been 98% supportive of my choice to cut her out of my life, about two to three years into the cut off his mother put on the water works and his father insinuated that I was an immature brat for not getting over it... After that visit with them we got into a huge fight because he thought I should be by his side at his family's Christmas party. I reminded him of why I cut them off, yelling ensued and he finally relented. aside from that moment, my husband has been 100% supportive of "the cut off"

I would never have made my husband choose between me or his family because I know I would never have wanted to be put in that sort of situation myself. Our deal was that I would never demand that he not see his family, but he could not demand that I see them either (which he used to do and we used to fight horribly about that).

Ok, so this is my problem... My mother-in-law is very happy that she is finally going to have a grandchild (she doesn't know about the donor) i love my husband and want him to be happy, I want him to feel as connected to this child as much as he possibly can. And I feel that when the baby is born and my family is visiting at the hospital he would feel horrible and resentful, not to mention detached from the baby if his family was not there to met our baby.

I had made up my mind early on that I trust my husband's judgement and his backbone, or at least is like to feel that I can. I trust him to do the right thing by our baby, and I trust him to not go against my feelings about certain things in regards towards his family being around our child.

I personally don't think I could be in the same room as his family, I loathe them, and the pain inflicted from day one (when she acted as if she was going to attack me the first time I met her) that pain is still very real for me, mostly in part due to the fact that I have little to no other positive contact/memories of them.

So, to accommodate my feelings towards these people and to protect myself from them, all while allowing my husband to have a memory with his child/parents. I thought I could get around the whole thing by having the baby go to the nursery (so I could get some rest) and time it just so that when his parents get there husband can meet them at the waiting room take them to the nursery and have bonding time there while I rest/shower etc.

When they leave, the baby will come back into the room with me until we leave the hospital.
To make sure that my wishes are carried out I plan on writing this in my birth plan, and also reminding/notifying the nurses that only my side of the family is allowed visitation into the "mom and baby" room.

I'm sure I seem heartless to do this, but in all honesty I don't want my first memories of my first child to be wrought with worry, anger, and old wounds resurfaced by these people who I believe with all of my heart have not changed one bit.
The reasons why I want to do this at the hospital is for two very real concerns for me

1. I don't want them in our house, I just simply don't... And my husband agrees with me on this.
And 2. I don't want my husband taking our child over to his family's house for visits because I don't trust them, I don't like them, and I would honestly feel betrayal from my husband to do this to me. We've talked about it, and he blindly accepts my fears and supports my decision on this.

I don't know how I feel about this all. I wish my husband would talk to me about this and not simply agree with me or sweepingly say "I'll do whatever you want" because I begin to question how attached he is to our baby when he just nonchalantly accepts my demands (which was completely meant to just be my concerns and not so much my demands)

But now, here is my last problem.
My husband said that he would take care of it all, and that he would "direct traffic" at the hospital so that I wouldn't have to see his family (who his mom has already said that she was just going to come anyways regardless of weather or not I allowed her...)

So my husband told her that I would like her to be there... And she became all giddy about that and now I believe that she thinks that all is forgiven and that I'm just going to allow her back in my life.

So, I'm already starting to rethink my trust in my husband's capability to handle the nuances of human feelings... I don't want this to turn into hurt feelings, I don't want his sister to be bulldog for his mom and attack us (like she has).

I don't want to get into a fight with anyone over this and I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings, make him feel detached from the baby, or make him resent me. And for that matter I don't want to get hurt, feel detached from my husband, or resent him for continuing to have a relationship with these people who have wounded me so much.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through all of this... (We are planning on selling the house and moving 800 miles away to my hometown by no later than 2017) so this ordeal wouldn't be carried on for years and years. Also we would be near my family who love my husband and my husband loves them (to the point of accidentally calling them HIS mom and dad)