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canders7 said:
But here I think I am failing miserably.
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You are doing the best you can, and no matter the circumstances, no matter how much you think otherwise, that is all any one can ask of you. Thats all you can ask of yourself.
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When does one have to take a step back and realize that they can't help everyone - especially when they're not in the best spot themselves?
When do I realize that I'm allowed to ask for help? When do I realize that I deserve to be loved? When do I stop hating myself for everything I've done and how my life has turned out?
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I can't believe how similar our thought patterns are ... i can't even remember the times where i've thought VERY similar things myself. But i think the important thing to realise here, is that while you may not have the answers to these questions right now, you are asking them, and by doing that ... on some level you are aware that you DO deserve better. You deserve so much Christina ... and you know that you do deserve to ask for help for yourself. You're not superwoman ... no one is. I really like the airplane analogy mentioned above ... it really is so true. You need to take care of you before you can realistically try and help anyone else.
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Can I fall to pieces and be an emotional wreck - why do I try to keep it all together? Why do I try to control everything around me?
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You try to keep it all together because you care so much about other people that you neglect how you are feeling. neglect what is good for you. And when you to acknowledge how you are feeling, you see it as being self centered. PLEASSSSE know that you are not that in any way shape or form. I think you could ask anyone here on PC and they would tell you the same thing.
Sorry for my bluntness ... i just really care about you and don't like to see you hurting.
You're friends are really lucky to have someone like you caring for them so much.
Hang in there, and take some time for you.
xoxo
Jacq