(((((wants)))) I'm glad your T warned you about the suicidal ideation, too! Could've been bad otherwise!

Glad to hear that you're on the road to recovery! Yay!!

I do hope you can stop beating yourself up. You need to try to have compassion on yourself for where you've been. Your suffering has been real, and depression is a terrible slump to try to pull out of. There are many people who have the same struggle. It is not something to berate yourself for. You do the best you can with your resources and ability to cope. You need love and compassion and acceptance from yourself right now, to help you as you begin your journey upward. Not cold criticism. We get more than enough of that from the rest of the world, we don't need to add to it.

Good luck and best wishes to you on your journey!!!

Angela