It's going to be hard to come up with a plan that gets you to all your many goals at the same time. That's because it's hard to make these goals compatible with each other. Specifically: You want your child to have no contact with his family (other than the initial "bonding" meetup in the nursery) and you want your husband to be happy and not forced to reject his family.

If you do not want MIL in your home and you do not want baby visiting MIL, what's the point of allowing this "bonding" visit outside the nursery? Did you intend for that to be the first and last time MIL will see baby?

No woman in the hospital should feel any obligation to receive any visitors whom she does not want to see. Nowadays, the period of being in the hospial after a birth is only like - what? - 2 days. It is perfectly acceptable, from an etiquette point of view, to be indisposed to receive visitors, when his family arrives. I mention "etiquette" because I think adhering to the rules of good etiquette can be one's salvation in dealing with very difficult people. Those rules were evolved over thousands of years specifically to make life work better.

I've heard it said that one has no duty to love in-laws, but only a duty to be courteous toward them (for the sake of one's spouse.) You've decided that you can not tolerate being in your MIL's presence. That's a rather extreme position to take, but only you know what you can and cannot tolerate. I think you've been correct in not interferring with your husband's right to visit his family. But you're seeking to restrain him on 2 additional fronts. You do not want him bringing his family into your home. Secondly, you do not want him going with baby to visit MIL. Is your home also his home? Is your baby also his baby? When you go to that level of controlling his behavior, I think you're at risk of things backfiring on you. You sense this yourself, I believe, which is why you started this thread.

I don't envy your position, which I think is tough and going to get tougher. If MIL ever gets wind of the baby not having her son's DNA, I don't know that I'ld trust her to handle that well. You're under no obligation to tell her. But if you want your husband to be fully invested, emotionally, in this child, then I think you may want to come up with a different game plan.

Recently, a young woman put up a thread about her husband not getting along with her mother - and for good reasons. (I think the mother drank excessively.) Her husband had instructed her to never take new baby to visit her mother. I said that I thought she had the right to visit her mother and the right to take baby with her. Husband did not have to come along. I think your husband has the same right. (Not while baby is still nursing, but eventually.) Either you trust him to take care of the baby properly when he has the baby and you're not there, or you don't.

Your husband is welcoming of this baby - now. "Now" is the easy part. You are laying groundwork, now, for years to come. Kids get bigger and so do the challenges of raising them. Is your husband going to be an equal partner, or is he just your "deputy?" He would not be human, if, in times to come, he didn't feel a little questioning of his bond with the child AND of your confidence in him as a co-parent. I think you are giving him very little latitude to use his own judgement, and it may lead to something that won't be what you really want.